This is not a Post
Three or four of you have been asking for more posts. And while it's flattering, please remember one of the first items I revealed about myself is this: I am a fat lazy bastard. That hasn't changed. Besides, the new fall season is here and in the last few days I have relieved my tivo of Lost, Survivor, Invasion, Surface, Threshold, America's Next Top Model, Big Brother Finale, Rock Star: INXS Finale, My Name is Earl, Kitchen Confidential, and Love, Inc.
I will not be commenting specifically on any of these shows except to say this: I cannot believe Ivette actually thought she was going to win. What a fucking idiot.
I'm also working on a television pitch which currently must remain top secret but perhaps soon will be made public. I've written six television pilots previously, shot two of them, and never had one get on the air. I do believe I will have things to say about that spotless record in the future.
For those of you WGA members who watch NASCAR races just for the crashes, yours truly will be moderating a Q&A with the filmmakers of The Exorcism of Emily Rose after the 5pm showing on Sunday at the WGA Theater. Scott Derrickson and Paul Boardman are fine fellows and served time with me at SuperMax. Why they have requested a moderator who hates scary movies and is congenitally unable to talk about anybody but himself is beyond me. Regardless, I will be there. I'll be drunk, but I'll be there.
Ok. I promised I wasn't going to say anything else about those shows but that squinchy look on Ivette's face when she realized she'd fucked her family out of half a million was one of those priceless moments that makes reality television the huge steamrolling screenwriter killer app it is. This from a guy whose first produced pilot happened to be for ABC the year they put ONE DRAMA ON THE AIR ALONG WITH SEVENTY-FOUR HOURS OF WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE.
Regis Philbin. Notre Dame fan. Nuff said.
I will not be commenting specifically on any of these shows except to say this: I cannot believe Ivette actually thought she was going to win. What a fucking idiot.
I'm also working on a television pitch which currently must remain top secret but perhaps soon will be made public. I've written six television pilots previously, shot two of them, and never had one get on the air. I do believe I will have things to say about that spotless record in the future.
For those of you WGA members who watch NASCAR races just for the crashes, yours truly will be moderating a Q&A with the filmmakers of The Exorcism of Emily Rose after the 5pm showing on Sunday at the WGA Theater. Scott Derrickson and Paul Boardman are fine fellows and served time with me at SuperMax. Why they have requested a moderator who hates scary movies and is congenitally unable to talk about anybody but himself is beyond me. Regardless, I will be there. I'll be drunk, but I'll be there.
Ok. I promised I wasn't going to say anything else about those shows but that squinchy look on Ivette's face when she realized she'd fucked her family out of half a million was one of those priceless moments that makes reality television the huge steamrolling screenwriter killer app it is. This from a guy whose first produced pilot happened to be for ABC the year they put ONE DRAMA ON THE AIR ALONG WITH SEVENTY-FOUR HOURS OF WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE.
Regis Philbin. Notre Dame fan. Nuff said.
posted by josh at 8:39 AM
34 Comments:
this is not a comment
What's My Name is Earl like?
From MK
This is not a comment, but...
For those of you out there who may have an attitude about writing for TV, a producer/director once told me, "Writing a hit movie is a home run, but creating a hit series is a grand slam."
As a single person, that doesn't mean anything. When you have a wife, kids, mortgage, etc., TV $$$ doesn't looks so distasteful. Not that anyone out there in cyberspace reading this blog is materialistic or anything.
You go Josh!
Not that I watch Big Brother or anything, but all Ivette needed to do was throw the last competition to Janelle, and then Janelle would have done the dirty work and gotten rid of Maggie, and then Ivette would have had the cool half-mill.
Not that I watch the show or anything.
i guess some folks here can judge tht better but what you're writing there are wonderfully intriguing and funny little filmscenes. if you would turn your life...or let#s say the blogged version of it in a full length script and into a movie i'd be there on opening day (if there'd be a german theatrical release).
very often you read and hear in the internet about people whose careers went fantastically in the industry. it's refreshing though to read your -not always that successful- but always funny and sympathetic descriptions of YOUR life as writer.
You may be a F.L.B. but you're funny & thats enough for me...
Hey Josh,
I think Howie said it best when he proclaimed that the two remaining houseguests were the least popular. The look on Maggie's face when he said that was priceless. They honestly thought that they were loved by America after they slagged the viewing audience on several occasions.
I didn't care who won after Janelle was voted out.
Great blog, btw, you fat lazy bum.
oh friedman...these last weeks you're output has been shrink-wrapped and dessicated to the lowest wanton thermometer...you're ass needs a-lickin' to keep you a-tickin'...we needs more DFL tripe and treason from the Hollywood bowl...
HELP!!!
I went to a meeting yesterday and whose name did I see on the sign-in sheet above mine? That's right, that of the Infinite Monkey himself. Just knowing that we had more than likely leafed through the same 6-month-old magazine while waiting in the lobby filled me with That For Which There Are No Words. And it was much more exciting than my later sighting of Actress Who's Actually Not As Freakishly Skinny As I Expected But I Guess Her Head Does Look A Little Large at an area hotspot. I don't usually comment on posts, because who reads this part of the blog anyways (I don't), but I felt the need to share.
And who am I kidding, like Mr. F still has to wait in the lobby. (That changes, right? I won't always have to wait? Right? ...Hello?)
So you have done some tv stuff too, I was just going to ask about that. So how about posting on any interesting or annoying differences between the television and movies? Or maybe a comment on Don Johnson capturing the zeitgeist with the quote "Film has become a boutique business" (LA Times/Defamer.com)?
First sign of the apocalypse? People start quoting Don Johnson.
Longtime (longtime?) lurker first time poster, but to anonymous-From-MK, I completely agree with your quote.
I've yet to decide whether I'm going to look at screenwriting as a career, but from what I've written I can say this. What I've written for a "serialized" medium, including the same characters over a number of different independent plots, has been much more creatively rewarding than the "throwaway" stories which use up my characters like so many tissues.
TV gives you the opportunity to really define your characters. I suspect it also gives you the opportunity to see them stolen away from you just when you see their potential most clearly, simply because the Other Leading Brands don't see the bottom line in it for them. Say lah vee. :)
Dude, if you're going to use a French term you could at least make an effort to write less like a five year old using "Reading with Phonics".
It's "C'est la vie!" meaning "That's life!"
At a minimum, google it or look it up on Wikipedia. They have a whole list of French phrases we commonly use.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/N%C3%A9e
I just watched THRESHOLD. I don't think it's going to make it.
Can someone tell them what DNA actually is and does?
I'm surprised and ashamed to see at least two Big Deal Screenwriters so completely obessed with this ridiculous piece of non-scripted television. What you should have been watching all summer is Kelly Monaco dancing around in her underpants. Sheesh.
To 'anonymous' and the question of being forever lobby-bound: try being a writer in London.
I was recently asked to wait in a bar around the corner, due to the presence of 'certain' guests.
"You do have a phone, right? We'll call you when he's done..."
Was it my fault I turned up cross-eyed and dribbling?
Nice barmaid, though...
For the record: I do know that it's "c'est la vie". My foe paw was intentional.
Ok, Pierce, it's just your style, huh? The sudden veer into "faux French" with no warning is what threw me. Stick with it, dude. I'm sure it'll impress the readers of your script.
Phoenix, dude, had the rest of his post been in the least bit "light hearted" maybe my "sensor" would have worked to your liking. But then, on second thought, I don't live to please you.
Hey you, leave off Regis. I've never worked for Disney-CapCities-ABC-etc and so, unlike you, I still qualify to get in that Hot Seat. You're just jealous that they created an easier way to make money than having to sit for free shrimp cocktails! Ha!
"Invasion" and "Threshold." I'm glad TV is getting worse. I can spend more time online now. Wish I'd seen "Earl," though. Interesting promos. Ah, well, Ceylon Vee!
When you do start posting again, would it kill you to recap a few SuperMax stories? Think of the ill-considered student loans you could prevent with a few timely words of wisdom!
Phoenix are you deliberately daft? My point, which you missed, is that his "joke" was not in keeping with the rest of his comment. If you are writing something that you wish to sell, you do NOT randomly insert a "foe paw" into a otherwise literate piece of writing. Had he been able to "set up" that particular mangling of French in an otherwise light hearted reposte, then you would have heard nary a peep from moi. However, he did not. Then he further made the mistake of insisting that it was "style". No, it's just bad writing.
Which will get your script dropped into the trash.
Oh, by the by, yes... you do want to please ME, if you're an aspiring screenwriter. ;) Which, you should have no problem with, since you are NOT one. N'est-ce pas?
By the way, loved the pithy bon mot about your script. Brings a whole new meaning to having something "go to the dogs"
Bonne chance. Seems you'll need it.
Listen, I really didn't want this to turn into a flamewar. I didn't mean anything personal by my snarky "say lah vee", and the following "foe paw" probably just exacerbated the problem.
For what it's worth, I think anonymous is right; had I intended the comment for a commercial audience I would've have either tempered the humor or lightened the rest. But since it was "just" a comment on a blog, I didn't feel the need to concern myself with it.
I hope that anonymous, on behalf of the French language, can accept my heartfelt apology.
Hey you, another anonymous. So, what you're really saying is that you can't tell the difference between a commercial script and a comment on a blog?
Man, life's never easy, but I'd hate to spend it in your shoes.
What Is This? Aint It Cool News? Find a room, quit the crap around here, great work Josh, keep it up you fat lazy bastard! Vive le Josh's Blog!
I agree, Zipy. Why is it that whenever there is a professional screenwriter who is willing to give of his time and creative energy, like Josh, John August, Craig Mazin, etc., there are always knuckleheads who show up in the comments field to try and drag the whole thing down?
People: show a little respect. Maybe take all of the energy you're putting into your mewling, caterwauling posts and focus it on your own writing. Or take advantage of the Internet and go spout off on your own blog into the great yawning chasm.
Just don't do it here. Thanks.
You've got your first thread hijacking flame war.
Stop the clock at a little under 2 months. A very good time.
Congrats Monkey Man, you’ve finally arrived!
At this rate, "Say lah vee" could be the new "Snakes on a Plane".
Or maybe not.
I'm with Julie, I'm going to resume watching Kelly Monaco dance around in her underpants.
All I can say is "who knew?!" that screenwriting would double as a course if French?
If anonymous thinks they are someone we need to kowtow to (oops, Japanese), révérence to, perhaps anonymous doesn't realize Hollywood is desperate for good writers and maybe a un petit creative license is in order. Maybe anonymous needs us.
My day job is Big Brother.
Despite being close a few times, I have not yet sold a screenplay, so I am forced to feed my family by listening for ten hours a pop to the worldview of brainless 20-somethings trapped inside a reality show.
The contest is a sociological petri dish where contestants are denied any outside media whatsoever; I’ve seen houseguests sit down with the back of a cereal box just to be able to read something.
For the record, in the second week I picked Kaysar and Michael to go to the final four. It can be surprisingly painful to watch in slow motion the ones with brains make mistake after mistake.
We have a saying, “Normal people go in, bent people come out” which, by the way, also can be said of the crew. On the good side, I occasionally pick up a bit of youthspeak, which is guaranteed to keep my dialog edgy and, uh, “dope”.
chuck
P.S. If you want a behind the scenes tour of the asylum, let me know how to reach you.
Chuck,
This is where I disagree.
People go IN bent. They come out even worse.
Josh really is a self-proclaimed lazy ass isn't he? Here it is Monday going into Tuesday and still no new post.
Hey knucklehead, kowtow's originally from Chinese!
Now please resume fawning comments to Infinite Monkey in an orderly fashion.
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